Failure
by Ninja Goldfish
Summary: Severus thought he was a broken man. He had no idea what it meant to be broken. Violence.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a very dark one-shot. Please, if you are sensitive to violence, do not continue.**

Severus apparated into the throne room and his eyes instantly went to the dais, seeking out the Dark Lord. Instead, his heart slammed into his throat, his stomach twisted over itself, and he was seized by the urge to vomit. _She_ was here. She shouldn't be here. She couldn't be here. She was supposed to be safe. He had worked so hard to make sure that she was _safe_. She was going to die here. She couldn't die here.

He pushed his way toward the front of the crowd without thinking. The Death Eaters were like hyenas tonight. They recognized her and they were excited for the show. A great blow would be dealt to the Order tonight. Unbeknownst to them, a great blow would be dealt to _him_ tonight. Her face carefully blank, her eyes roamed the crowd before coming to rest on him. He hoped that he was able to school his expression as he pushed into her mind.

" _Hermione_." Even within her mind he wanted to cringe at the open emotion.

"Be strong," she told him and pushed the memory of their first kiss at him. In quick succession, she showed him the night he killed Albus as she watched his body fall from the tower, she showed him running into the night, away from her. "You have important work to do. You can do this. Just keep your mouth shut, stand back, and watch. And Severus? I love you."

"Calm yourselves," hissed the Dark Lord from where he lounged in his throne. "Let us begin."

It took a monumental effort to keep his dinner down, keep his wand away, keep his face calm. He wanted nothing more than to leap onto the dais, wand blazing, and whisk her away to safety. It would take the mass of Death Eaters at his back a total of zero point four seconds to strike them both down. She wanted him to continue. She still had faith that he could help them win the war. Tonight, he had faith in nothing.

"As you can see, our guest of honor tonight is Miss Hermione Granger, Potter's dirty Mudblood whore." The monster that was once a man grinned maliciously while he waited for the cheers and whistles to die off. "One of you will have the privilege of entertaining our guest this evening. Do make sure she isn't too bored with us. We have a reputation to uphold." He paused, scanning the faces of his most loyal followers. "Do we have any volunteers?" At least a dozen voices raised throughout the room.

Severus remained silent, staring stonily at her seemingly calm face. _Why_ was she here? She must have been caught, of course, but how could she be so careless? How could she do this to him? How… How did she think that he would survive watching this?

"Severus, my good and faithful servant."

His black eyes snapped to the Dark Lord. No. He could not possibly be asking this of him. No.

"You have hated the Mudblood for years, have you not? And with more reason than the rest of us. You have exercised great restraint through these years, unable to lay a hand on her. Tonight, you may exact your dues." He waited expectantly for gratitude. He was bestowing a great honor upon one of his most loyal.

No. No. No no no. He sought out the cold, steel grey eyes of Lucius Malfoy. No.

"I have, My Lord," he said when his eyes returned to his master.

"My Lord," called Malfoy Sr., "if I may, I feel that I also have a claim on the girl."

Severus felt his chest deflate. He had hoped that his best friend might see his hesitation. He had never shared with Lucius the nature of his relationship with Hermione, but he had suspected on more than one occasion that the other man might have had an idea.

A frown creased his face, but the Dark Lord waved his hand for Lucius to continue. Taking a step forward, Lucius continued, "The Mudblood has humiliated the Malfoy family repeatedly for years. She had bested my son in classes and mouthed off far too many times. I would like the petition for honor of _entertaining_ her this evening, if it pleases you, My Lord."

Hermione, who was familiar with the relationship between Lucius Malfoy and her lover watched on impassively. She longed to speak with him again but she didn't dare with Voldemort's full focus on him. She was going to die tonight. She was. But he did not have to. He needed to continue passing information to Harry. Without her, Harry would need more help than ever before. Her heart broke for her Severus.

"Severus?" The Dark Lord asked.

Severus almost thought the once-man wanted them to battle it out for her. "If it pleases My Lord, I will allow it. Lucius takes the honor of his family quite seriously."

He deliberated for a moment, regarding his followers thoughtfully. "I will allow it."

Lucius's head bowed. "Thank you, My Lord."

Severus felt all the breath leave his body. The feeling wasn't quite relief. He didn't think that he would ever feel relief again in his life. But at least he wouldn't be the one to do it. He vowed that he would tell Lucius what he had done for him after this night was done. He would owe it to him.

"However, I would hate to deprive Severus of his victory over the girl. You may share."

The men exchanged a long look and bowed.

"Begin," he instructed, "and make it good."

If he hadn't been moving, he would have looked to see if his legs were still attached to him, as he seemed to be floating more than anything else. This couldn't be happening. He had killed a great many people. This was not new. He had taken many lives on this very dais in front of this very crowd. But he had never loved any of them. Severus had thought that he was a broken man. He was wrong. He had never been so broken as he was right in this moment. He kept his face schooled. He loved her. All for the greater good. The greater good would need him. He stopped before her and cocked his head to one side as his wand slid into his hand. His heart hammered in his chest.

She screamed, falling to the floor as a jet of red light hit her square in the chest. She seemed to be trying to hold in the screaming, even as little bolts of red sparked off her skin. He turned to look at Lucius standing just behind his shoulder, his face twisted while he leveled his wand at the girl on the floor. Severus hadn't even heard him cast the thing. Finally, the red faded and she was left panting. Her eyes sought him out and he felt his heart crack. He couldn't...

" _Sectumsempra_ ," he said tonelessly. Her shriek slashed into him deeper than his spell had done to her. Blood was already leaking onto the floor from the gouge in her side. Her shirt was ripped and he could vaguely see the pulsing of an organ, likely intestines from the placement of the wound. He fought not to be sick. What was left of his soul shriveled. He couldn't bring himself to care if anyone noticed the way he staggered back from her ever so slightly. His heart was bleeding. He glanced down at his shirt and was surprised to find that nothing was oozing. He should be as sliced open as she was.

He glanced toward Lucius, who was staring contemplatively at the wound in her side. Before he realized what was happening, Lucius had aimed a vicious kick at the gaping hole. While she screamed and curled in on herself, Lucius shook his shoe in disgust. Severus noticed the gore sticking to the fine Italian leather. " _Reducto_ ," the man snarled, aiming at her knee. She was sobbing now. It took everything in him not to fall to his knees and do the same.

It was his turn again. He had to… " _Sectumsempra_ ," he repeated. Another deep slash opened down her chest. He wanted to end this. He wanted it to stop. He couldn't imagine a world without her. He couldn't do it. He could see ribs through the slit. There was more blood now. He wasn't comforted that she would bleed to death sooner rather than later.

" _Expulso_." Her body flew through the air, landing a meter and a half off. There was blood smeared across the floor where her body had slid. Lucius strode to stand over her.

A whimper told him that she was still alive. All the gods in the sky have mercy. He wanted her agony to end. He wanted to give her that. He desperately wanted to hold on to her as long as he could. He wanted to snatch her up and run. He forced himself to level his wand on her prone form. His strength failed him. The moment stretched onward. Lucius glanced in his direction, saw his frozen stance.

" _Avada Kedavra_ ," the blonde intoned. Her body jerked once and was still.

Severus felt the world swim. He hardly noticed the deafening roar from the watching Death Eaters. This wasn't real. She couldn't be gone. He took the few steps to her side, looking down at her. Blank eyes stared back. The last of his heart was dead. Gone. He had thought he was broken walking onto the dais only minutes earlier. Now? He truly knew the definition of the word. He would do his duty – for her. He would help Potter take down this fucker once and for all. He would not survive this war. He would go to her in the end. One way or another.

He and Lucius did not speak that night of what had transpired, but when he showed up on the steps of Malfoy Manor and requested a strong glass of whisky and company for the evening, Lucius let him in and said nothing about the puffiness of his face or the dead look in his eyes.

 **A/N: Oddly enough, I dreamed this up while crocheting cute little cat earrings. I'd love to hear your thoughts.**


	2. Chapter 2

The bastard was dead. And in the end, he had known that he'd been betrayed. Severus's job was done. He had been kept out of Azkaban on the good word of Potter and Weasley. He had managed to persuade them to do the same for Lucius and his family. The ends were wrapped up. He had informed Minerva that he would not be returning for the following school year. His home was neatly packed. He didn't know who would be tasked with clearing it, but he had no desire to leave a mess for whomever ended up with it. Maybe they would just demolish the house, belongings and all. He didn't care either way.

Her remains had never been recovered. Severus himself wasn't even sure what happened to her body. He shivered, his insides twisting at the thought that one of the more… disturbed… Death Eaters may have taken it home with them. Nonetheless, a memorial had been erected here, just a few meters from the one dedicated to Albus Dumbledore.

 _Hermione Granger – loyal friend, beloved daughter, champion for the light._

He raised his wand for what was likely the final time, and added a line to the stone.

 _Cherished lover._

He sat slowly, his back pressed against the headstone. His legs stretched out in front of him. He didn't have much time, he knew. Potter and Weasley would be by soon to make their daily apologies. He closed his eyes, playing with the bottle in his hands, and let his memory wander back to better days.

 _"We shouldn't be doing this," he murmured into her neck. Her head was thrown back and her breath came in harsh pants. She was pressed against the wall outside his bedroom door. "You aren't of age."_

 _She moaned breathily as his tongue lapped at the hollow of her throat. "Age of consent is sixteen."_

 _His hands slid beneath her shirt to stroke the soft skin of her back. "It's against the rules."_

 _She grabbed him by the hips and pulled his body against her. "It isn't."_

 _That made him pause. He pulled back, looking down at her. "Isn't it?"_

 _She slid away from him. "No," she said, slipping through the doorway into his bedroom._

He sighed. That had been one of the best nights of his life. When she had slipped out of his quarters before breakfast the next morning, he hadn't been able to bring himself to regret a thing.

 _"I miss you," he admitted, wishing that he could hold her in his arms. It had been weeks since she had been able to sneak away from the boys and meet with him. When she could get away, it was all stolen kisses and, if they were lucky, a quickie against a tree trunk. He missed having her pressed against him. He missed her body in the bed beside him._

 _She smiled and he hated how the enchanted glass distorted her features. "After this is over you'll never have to miss me again, I promise."_

He had been missing her for months now. But it would be over soon. He cracked his eyes open and looked down at the potion he held. One of the world's strongest poisons. It was quick, it was relatively painless, though he hardly thought that painless was what he deserved after all that he had done. But he could already imagine the lecture he would get on the other side if he made his own death long and drawn out and dramatic. He pulled out the stopper and held the bottle up to the light of the sun. It was a pleasant summer day with only a few clouds in the sky. It was a lovely day to die.

He took a long swig from the bottle before replacing the cork and setting it neatly in the grass beside him. It wouldn't be long now.

 _"I think I'm falling in love with you," she whispered against his chest in the darkness._

 _His heart, which had only just begun to calm from their previous exertions, picked up speed again._

 _"I know you don't feel the same way and you probably don't even want to hear about it, but it's true." Her fingers, which had been tracing patterns aimlessly over his skin, stopped their movement. She turned, burying her face almost into his armpit._

 _"What are you doing?" he rumbled, a touch of laughter in his voice._

 _Her voice was muffled, but he made out her single word reply. "Hiding."_

 _He laughed. "Hermione, I fell for you a long time ago."_


	3. Chapter 3

This was… not what he'd been expecting. He sat in the grass beside the black lake. The blades were long, tickling his arms as they swayed in the light breeze. Had the poison even worked? He looked around him, noticing the others for the first time.

His eyes landed on Lily first. She looked older than he had last seen her, perhaps late twenties, but Lily had died before she'd reached twenty-two, so that couldn't be right. Her hair was as bright as ever and there was a smile on her face and in her eyes.

"Severus," she greeted, and he was almost surprised to note that his heart did not squeeze at the sound of her voice.

He nodded to her in greeting and looked past her down the line. James Potter stood beside her, of course, and he, too, looked older than he had been when he'd died. Sirius had an arm slung around his best friend, but he certainly did not look older. In fact, he seemed to have de-aged since his death. The lines of his face had smoothed, the years spent in Azkaban seemed to have melted away from him.

Severus understood. Here, in death, you got to revel in the prime of your life forever.

"Thank you," James said, his voice earnest. "You protected Harry. Without you, he wouldn't have made it. We were wrong about you in life." Sirius, beside him, nodded.

He quirked an eyebrow at the two men who had made his life hell and found that he cared nothing for their apology. Not a thing did he feel one way or the other. He had higher priorities at the moment. He didn't see her. He didn't understand, she should be here.

He swallowed thickly. "Where is she?" he asked, finding his voice for the first time. It was clearer than it had been in some time and he looked down at himself in surprise. Honestly, he couldn't tell much, aside from the lack of scars on his hands. He had had too many to count from thirty years of potions mishaps. He wished there was a mirror so that he could examine himself. He wondered what his prime had been. When he looked back up, he was surprised to find that there suddenly _was_ a mirror in front of him. He supposed he shouldn't be. He was dead, after all. This was the afterlife. If he wanted a mirror, why shouldn't there be one? His hair no longer had the streaks of white that he had grown accustomed to seeing. It was full and sleek and dark. His face lacked the lines from his years of scowling at unruly students. He looked maybe thirty, but it was a thirty he had never known. Even by that age, he had been far older than he should have been. He tore his gaze from the mirror to look back to Lily. She seemed the most likely to know.

"I'm here," she said from his other side, and _then_ he felt his heart squeeze. His head whirled and, yes, there she was. He had never seen her like this. She had never had the chance to become this. This was the prime of her life. She had a fuller figure, that of a woman rather than a mostly-grown girl.

Severus clambered quickly to his feet to face her. She smiled at him and stepped toward him.

"You did it," she whispered. "He's gone."

He nodded mutely. His body tensed when she stepped up, her chest nearly touching his own. She was still small enough to fit neatly beneath his chin, he noted. He loved that feeling of having her tucked into him. His arms went up of their own accord, hands reaching to touch her face. She smiled, eyes closing, and leaned into his touch.

"Hermione," he breathed. "Gods, I missed you."

She turned, pressing a kiss into his palm. "I promised that you'd never miss me again when it was over."

He let out a sound that was half laugh, half sob, pulling her tightly into his arms. He buried his face into her hair, breathing in the scent that, even in the afterlife, was uniquely _her_. "I'm _so sorry_ , Hermione."

Her hands moved soothingly over his back. "You were _strong_ , Severus. You did what you had to do. Don't apologize for that. You saved them all."

"I didn't save _you_." His voice wavered as he murmured into her ear. He could feel the tears prickling at his eyes and for once in his life, he didn't try to hold them back – though he supposed that was appropriate since his life was over now.

She touched his cheek and moved to look up into his face. His hair hung down to curtain them from the audience they had both forgotten about. "I forgive you." She stretched on her toes to press a kiss to his lips.

Sirius Black ruined the moment of reunion with a wolf whistle. Immediately, the couple was jolted back to reality, where Lily and James Potter stood beside Sirius Black, watching them. Severus was surprised to find them all smiling at him. He glanced down at Hermione and found her beaming back at them.

She looked back up into his face, her eyes warm and full of love. "Welcome to forever, Severus."

 **A/N: I had fully planned for this to end at chapter two. But merry Christmas in July because I got a nice fluffy plot bunny stuck in my head, so have another.**


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